Random Thoughts Regarding the Situation

Maybe it's been due to the meager meals I've been having recently, currently flat broke for the next 4 days and only instant spaghetti and other cheap, bland-tasting Japanese crap left in my cupboards, but I've been thinking about the whole `studying in Japan' thing, and have come out feeling the worse for it.

When I first got the scholarship, it was the best thing I could have ever had - money, education paid for, escape from hell, a country where the salary was high, etc. In addition, I got to learn another language, which was pretty cool as well. But those precepts didn't last forever, for better or for worse.

After I got rejected by the fucktarded professors at Tokyo Medical and Dental University because some goddamn Malaysian retard managed to fail the 3rd year 3 times in a row, I just gave up on everyone. Fuck the Malaysians who don't give a shit about how their shit affects the rest. Fuck the Japanese who generalize people. Just fuck them all. People in general are fucking retards - the only difference is whether they realize it or not.

So I'm stuck here in the countryside in Gunma University, a place which has its moments, but ultimately overwhelmed by how shitty it is. I'm gonna be stuck here for the next 5 1/2 years, so I have to get used to it soon, but several things really worry/piss me off.

First off, I'm never going to fit in with my Japanese classmates. Everyone knows how hard it is for the foreign student to learn the language, but no matter how long, it's still going to require effort to interact with the foreign student. I know this from personal experience, finding it really hard to talk to someone who doesn't know the language completely, what more the culture.

Another thing is the fashion. I stand out among my classmates - not for the right reasons. I dress casually even for a casual dresser. Homer Simpson shirts, jeans, slippers. The thing is, I have no idea how to dress fashionably, and even if I do, things probably wouldn't change and it would just be a hassle keeping it up. So I don't give a shit anymore. Not like anyone's going to care how I dress anyway.

Recently too, I talked with a friend over here, and he said something really interesting. Maybe we were wasting our youth here - missing out on normal interactions that we get in university simply because we don't speak Japanese natively. Guys like us (or me, at least), don't date in university, don't join many clubs in university, and probably unable to form close friendships, simply because it's hard to trust someone who's speaking a language you only half-understand. Simply put, what the fuck am I doing wasting my years here? I'm not going to make any friends here that I would bother contacting decades later. I'm not going to find love here, because being unable to express deeper thoughts in a different language crushes any deeper bond. Note: This is also because I am Asian. Furthermore, an asshole. So basically, I'm just here to study. But when I graduate, I'll be at least 27, with only a degree to show for it - will I have grown personally, socially, psychologically? I have serious doubts now.

In many ways, I feel like I've wasted so much time. I'm only in my first year but so many of my friends have graduated, and some are already working. Others are doing graduate studies, Masters, etc. Those who are doing medicine are already halfway through. I'll be years behind them in entering the workforce and making my own money - all because I chose to get a free education. Will I even be able to work in Japan after I graduate? Will I want to, with all the racism and discrimination about? The economy is turning to shit, and the country soon will too, I expect. Unfortunately, going back home too is not an option - leaving racism and discrimination behind was why I chose to come here in the first place. Ironic, eh.

One of my most worrying problems regards my friends back home. The Pervert Alliance is the one thing constant in my life, and the only thing that anchors me to my past, who I am and what I am now. But being in Japan, a country that probably means nothing to them, is what I'm worried about. After all the years, when I meet up with them again, what experiences can I talk about? The smelly otaku? The crazy obsessions of the Japanese? The racism? The general fucktardness of the place? The crap food? Somehow I don't think it would be the topic of conversation for long. And we can't talk about the past, we've talked about it so much before that it's redundant. The only thing I can think of is making new memories - which is why I'm so anxious to get home and recover the me that I was back in Malaysia, not this me, who's sick of Japan and its hypocrisy. But I worry about whether I'll be able to show much interest in what new experiences they've accumulated as well - this really worries me.

Do I regret coming to Japan? Yes, and no. If I hadn't come here I would've remained obsessed with my hobbies for a long time, not known Japanese, continued going to a shit university, and been trapped in the same house as my parents for god knows how long. I've learned a lot of stuff here - good or bad, who knows. And yet I'm starting to see Japan for what it is, and beginning to realize the consequences of coming here - somehow, I'm dreading the next 5 1/2 years.

To end, here's a scene that I would never have been able to see in Tokyo, nor back home. I still fucking hate Gunma, though. Goddamn countryside.

The Decline of Japan?

I'm sure many of you have heard great stuff about Japan. OMG samurai, geisha, fashion capital of the world, technology central, etc. But how many people actually see it for what it is? Most of what we've been fed through the media is what Japan wants us to see - greatly preserved history, economic power, honest, trustworthy and moral people, good government. Is this what the tourist sees when he/she comes to Japan? Aren't they seeing only what they expect to see?

What can one really know about Japan without coming here? What kind of information leaks out from this country isolated from the world by a language barrier? When I first heard about Japan several years ago, I just automatically assumed all the Japanese watched anime, read manga and were all electronically proficient. Only after some time when I'd actually thought about it did I realize that only a small portion did so. Even the Japanese live normal lives, go to normal schools, go to work - only the circumstances and culture were different from everyone else's.

So I came to Japan trying to keep an open mind about the Japanese, assuming that they were just as normal as the rest of the world. I was of course surprised by the lack of garbage, politeness and quality of service, but even that started to fade away. Garbage is everywhere if you open your eyes wider, and behind the polite smiles of the service people, you don't know what they're thinking. They've been trained to give you quick and efficient service almost mechanically. Behind their smiling eyes they may be thinking "Fucking hell you dumbass foreigner, figure out what you want and leave so I don't have to deal with your half-assed Japanese and arrogant tourist attitude.".

So if the Japanese people are normal, then they do have the same problems as everyone else does. It's just that unless you're Japanese or have been assimilated into Japanese culture for a long time, you can't pick up the subtle signs in their mannerisms and language. I know that for one, I haven't.

The Japanese people are not infallible. But the problem is that everyone only sees the image they have projected since the 1980s, an economic, social and political utopia brought about by their miraculous economic rebuilding after World War 2. Somehow, everyone just seems to ignore that the bubble burst in the last 1980s, and since then, Japan has sunk into a decline from which I wonder if it can recover.

I'll try and list several of the problems that have cropped up in the news in recent times, as they seem to be the ones that may plagued Japan for some time more in the future.

1. Ridiculously low command of English and an ignorance of the outside world. The Japanese learn about other countries in school, but apparently this is exceptionally limited, and treated as just another subject. Furthermore, they happen to pigeonhole each country, as if each country could be describe in just a few sentences. I would suspect that all students in all countries do the same - however the supposed standard of Japanese education even fails at this. I wonder how they would feel if someone did the same to Japan: `Japan. Capital Tokyo. Delicacy: Sushi. Lost World War 2, suffering two atomic bombings in the process. Rebuilt economy thereafter to First World country standard, before collapsing in the late 1980s. Most popular export is anime. One of the latest fads in Japan is being an otaku.' Learn some geography, fags, and that applies to all non-Japanese people as well. However, this problem also seems to be plagueing America - if they can get all their stuff domestically and live their lives not caring about the international scene, why bother learning about the capital of Mongolia or other shit?

2. Extreme social problems - Bullying in school in Japan is one of the worst in the world. Delinquency in school is bad, especially since corporal punishment is not allows. Teachers have to treat students like customers. Politeness and decency are declining. Sexual discrimination and sexual harassment are still high, a throwback to Japan's history of male dominance. School exams are toughest in the world, creating a pool of those who know nothing but schoolbooks, and an atmosphere of extreme competitiveness. Hikikomori, those who isolate themselves from society and never leave their room, are most common in Japan. Violent crimes are rising. Thefts are rsing due to the economic situation. Paedophiles are rampant. Middle school girls and high school girls are prostituting themselves. There are many more, but I'm sure you can come up with a few yourself.

3. Falling birth rate - The high cost of living in Japan, and the high cost of raising a child, is driving many to only have one child. Some even choose to not marry, so as to have more money to spend on themselves. In 2006, Japan's birth rate fell below its death rate, meaning that the population is decreasing. You could actually say that Japanese is a dying language, since the number of native speakers is falling. At this rate, Japan will eventually disappear. Before then, it would be full of old people - and who knows what would happen to them?

4. Aging society - As stated above, due to Japan's social security plan, more old people would be getting pensions - however the number of people working and pumping money into the economy that supports such a plan would be decreasing. Eventually a collapse is predicted, leaving the old to fend for themselves. This may not be too far away - Japan is expected to have one in three people to be over the age of 65 by 2025. How did this come about? Because Japan had a baby boom lasting only 3 years - before the oil shock of the 1970s and then the 1980s.

5. Government bullshit - Lately, a scandal involving losses of records of pension payments plagued the government and resulted in horrible election results for the ruling LDP party. Furthermore, secret slush funds, theft of taxpayers' money and scandals involving ministers not reporting receipts, receiving kickbacks and other dirty deeds, demonstrate that the government is not the squeaky clean, efficient entity it appears to be.

Where is Japan going? For now, all I can see in the future is further decline. If you want to visit Japan, now's the time before it all turns to shit.

By the way, the capital of Mongolia is Ulanbaatar.